Having depleted all of my pistol’s bullets into the mysterious sandstorm, I was shocked to see my pursuers still standing and approaching my location.
“Bad dudes.” I muttered through my scarf. It was at this point that I really wished I had brought my ChapStick along because my lip flesh was currently hung on my bandana, like a stupid fish caught on a stupid line of dried lip meat.
I scurried to my feet and started to run up the metal staircase. Contrary to what I initially thought, staircases are not perceptible to night vision googles in a sandstorm, so it’s accurate to say that I climbed the stairs with only my shins. Shinning my way about halfway up, I noticed the storm was starting to abate. Soon, my element of surprise and cover would be gone, like the time my Groucho Mark nose and glasses were taken by that librarian.
As I reached the top step, I paused to take stock of my leg situation. The goggles showed an angry red where my shins should be, a raging weather system as it were. No time to take care of myself, however. There was a scientist in the building ahead that needed my help. He was probably in worse shape.
Drawing my tranq dart gun, I fully intended to send some of the bad guys back to my ocean base, dozed and ready to make me some ChapStick. I spotted some blobs up ahead. Bad blobs. I broke into a run, my gun pointed out in front of me, firing darts to lead my way. These darts were loaded with rhino tranquilizers, per my request. By the time I got to him, he would be slumped into a heap, drooling.
What I hadn’t anticipated was the storm completely disappearing during my run of righteousness. All at once, my rocking nightvision became high beams two inches from my face as the desert sun came back with a vengeance. I screamed and struggled to get the goggles off of my face. They were fastened so tightly, and I know that was Koji because I told him I don’t like them that tight and that guy…..that guy is always screwing with me and I’ve about had it.
Once I removed the world’s brightest Game Boy away from my face, I was treated to an even less favorable sight. I was surrounded by the terrorists, their guns drawn and every one of them with a scar on their face somewhere, like this was a thing in their culture.
“Baaaaaaaaaaaad dudes, huh?”, I said through my scarf. At this point, my lips are completely shot. I was going to have to get quite a few boys on a proper moisturizer.
“Not as bad as this dude, Solid.”, a voice said from above me. A man in a white coat stood on the staircase leading up the side of a large white metal tower. It billowed in the wind behind him, like he was a pretty lady in a harlequin romance novel.
It was my target, Dr. Sklvan, but he wasn’t in the position I had anticipated. I was thinking more of a bag over the head, no pants, dirty butt scenario, but this was a surprise. He held a remote in his hand with a large red button.
“Let me guess…”, I said, my lips really just to a point of ridiculous chap, “I just witnessed your research in action.” I gripped my dart gun tighter and tighter, hoping Koji had put some sort of pressure trigger that would blow everyone up if I just squeezed hard enough. He didn’t.
Dr. Sklvan simply smiled. He didn’t say anything.
“Did you hear me?” I wanted to make sure he heard me.
“Yes, Solid. I heard you.” He heard me.
To be continued…