Sophie Chiswell Math
Profile: Peach Skinned Alabama Peach
Height: 5′ 0″
Body Type: Shelly Duvall in The Shining
Memorable Quotes: “Math is my husband”///”I’m married to math”///”Let me check in with math before I agree to that bridge game, Mandy.”
Profession: Math teacher
Leg strength: <<<Mecha (Pre-Alpha)>>>
Story: Sophie was always a very smart girl growing up, getting the best grades in her school and getting shoved into every locker, toilet and under a bus that Southern Elementary had to offer. It was throughout these trials that she began to develop the most important relationship of her life.
During one particular locker imprisonment in 1st grade, she began to do multiplication tables in her head. As the digits increased, she felt something she had never felt before. A content warmth that many normal children in the hallways would have felt when around their best friends, running with wild abandon through the playgrounds and climbing up and down the incredible dangerous play pirate ship made of splintered wood. As the years and grades went by, the complexity of the problems increased. She moved along to long divisions, fractions, algebraic formulas, proving geometric proofs, and finding zeros in functions. These numbers had always been her friends, but she began to feel something more, and that warmth became a flame of passion.
She graduated from the Village University Summa Cum Laude in Super Math, a new form of math developed by the esteemed Jill Brothers. She was the first in the nation to excel at this form of mathmatics and as a result, was in high demand among universities across the country. In the meantime, her romance with math had reached a fever pitch. She would lock herself in her own closet for entire weekends, running through Super Math formulas over and over again, complicating a problem, as they would say in Super Math, “pert near four tiers deep” until she couldn’t think to breathe anymore. She was madly in love in math, but it had always been a one-way romance, unrequited love defined. Until one day when math answered her.
She was nearly seven tiers deep when she felt a presence around her. Initially, she snapped from her closet trance in shock, believing it to be someone in the closet with her. And she was right. Directly in front of her in the closet was what she perceived in the physical realm as The Sixth Doctor from Doctor Who. He sat there in front of her with his blonde afro and an air of arrogance that could be tasted.
“Yes, it is I, the concept of math, here to be your boyfriend. Let’s make out for weeks.”, Math said. Sophie laughed until she cried, and they made out for 5 weeks straight, only taking the occasional bathroom and spaghetti breaks in-between. Unfortunately, due to her romantic indulgences, she lost her position as Super Math professor at Havard University 2, which was located in Alabama but still a really good Havard. But Sophie didn’t care. She had math all to herself and she didn’t care about anything else.
Unfortunately, though, without any sort of income, she eventually ran out of toilet paper for the bathroom breaks, and spaghetti for the spaghetti. This displeased math, who was beginning to tire of their unending make-out sessions.
“I’ve grown tired of your spit and lack of spaghetti and the lack of spaghetti flavor in your spit. I’ve got to get a move on.” said math, putting on his red blazer with yellow ribbed cuffs. But Sophie was not going to let go of love that easily.
“NO! Don’t leave, I’ll get a job! I’ll feed you the best spaghetti! Just….please….I have no one else”, Sophie said with tears in her eyes. Math looked her up and down, and sighed really loud. Then he left. Sophie was alone.
Sophie spiraled into a deep depression, and without her crutch of math to lean on, it took her some time to crawl out of it. Once she did, she got a job as a normal math teacher at Southern Elementary, the very same school where she fell in love with math. But it was here that she made a shocking discovery.
One day, while having her customary tuna on a hot dog bun and Mr. Pibb in the parking lot, she noticed something in the bottom window of the school, in the basement which served as storage for chairs and pregnancy emergency dolls. It appeared to be a piece of paper. She made her way into the basement, and found the room facing the playground where was sitting when she saw the paper. On the paper, there was a series of numbers written in blue crayon, a very similar color to the one she would use as a child. She stared at this for an indeterminable period of time, though it was long enough for her to lose her apartment and her job at Southern. But this made up for it. Now, she had what she needed.
It is now the seventh year since The Fetching. The blight has spread to all of the outposts. There is no Golden left to serve as a shield to the blight and the Pushers, with their ribbed proboscis pulsing at a rapid rate, skitter through the city. The ruins of what was Southern Elementary stand stark against the blood red sky. The Pushers run this several times a day, sometimes entering the outer portions of the school, but they sense nothing pulling them towards the center, and then down into the basement where an endless string of green numbers pour across a yellowed CRT monitor with something scrawled across the side of the casing. No one speaks the English language anymore, but if they could, they would read the name “Sophie”.