Villagers: Josh Terby Fourth the Third

Josh Terby Fourth the Third

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“Pull me up Tulsa for me on the big guy” – Terby Fourth

Profile: Caucasian Not-Woman

Height: 4′ 3″

Body Type: Bipedal Pit Bull

Memorable Quotes: “If we don’t get Boston in by Friday, I will kill myself.”/// “Don’t tell me your trying when you’re checking Facebook on your watch on the toilet.” /// “I will be away 10/6-10/16. For any immediate questions, please call Randy.”

Profession: Founder of State Stock Market and current Vice President

Leg Strength: <<<it’s fine>>>

Story: When Josh Terby Fourth was born, it is said that his mother experienced severe burns and tears to her birth canal as Terby Fourth erupted from her at full speed with a mug of coffee and a tiny briefcase made of hardened placenta. He was born to conduct business at an astonishing rate in The Village.

At 6, he had already formed his first LLC, Ham Truck, with his business partner, the 45-year old Denny Villenhaus, great-great-great grandson of town founder, Karlf. Their business model was based on the Grumby-Polto method, which was engineered to account for one member being at a kindergarten reading level, but modified to account for Villenhaus’ Ghost Gem which allowed him to peer into endless dead universes to find the best deals on hamhocks and the best way to throw them from a speeding vehicle to a front porch. This lead to the job of Ham Catcher, an honored profession very familiar to those living in The Village.

Once he turned 30, he had sold all 52 companies he had helped to create including Deans-O-Cream Thigh Tightener, Gorfex, and Yesterday’s Moments, a greeting card company that latter became the 51st state we now know as Today’s Memorieslyvania. It was then that Terby Fourth created the State Stock Market once he decided that he had enough money and charisma to buy and sell things that did not belong to him, and since no one had the courage to stop him, as he was known curl himself into a little ball and fire himself at your family, he eventually owned all of the United States.

However, this lead to his undoing when The Beasts came and destroyed the internet. For a whole day, he couldn’t get any Wi-Fi connection, like, at all. No matter how long he stood on this desk with his laptop above his head, he couldn’t get connection. That’s all it took for his former collegue, Denny Villenhaus, to use the amplified psychic energy in the air to Ghost Gem his way to the top and buy and sell Kentucky to himself 17 times in one hour, tripling it’s resale value to the point where he could purchase New Hampshire, and as anyone can tell you, in the State Stock Market, once you buy New Hampshire, you might as well own everything. It’s like Broadwalk in Monopoly.

Terby Fourth was devastated, and Villenhaus gained control of the State Stock Market, busting Terby Fourth down to Vice President. While still enormously wealthy and free to do whatever he wants, he will never attain his former glory, as Villenhaus has posted a sign outside of his office with a picture of Terby Fourths face with a line through it that says “No Terby Fourths Allowed” and that really hurts his feelings.

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3 thoughts on “Villagers: Josh Terby Fourth the Third

  1. It’s a rare thing to be able to read a line such as “…a tiny briefcase made of hardened placenta…” – my day is all the better for having experienced it. Very funny stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

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