“Hinterlands” Author Jerrel Goodpasture Updates His Volume on Hiking The Gorge

It’s no secret that I live in Kentucky. I’ve always been open about that as any of my regular readers will attest. I make no bones about how I’ve always enjoyed the green pastures, the green rolling hills, the green grasslands and the green forest hills. And even though I love these parts about Kentucky so, so much, I can’t even begin to share the same passion for the true heartland of Kentucky as does Jerrel Goodpasture. If his name tells you anything, he is a big fan of what Kentucky has to offer. But what’s even more interesting about Jerrel is that pastures isn’t even what he’s the biggest fan of.

“I’ve taken great pleasure from exploring the prime scenic country of the Red River Gorge.” he explains condescendingly to me at a Cafe in downtown Lexington. The way he is talking to me is insufferable, but I somehow respect him nonetheless, probably because of his massive dreads.

“I get a lot of comments about my dreads, not all of them are positive.” he says. Yeah, no kidding, I think to myself. Notwithstanding his granola crunchy-ness, he has managed to write a book about his love for the Daniel Boone National Forest.

“It’s not really about my love for Daniel Boone National Forest, it’s more about what other kinds of alternative trails you can find in the Gorge.” he says, so smug, sipping on his espresso and just downing a huge scone that I think has like 300 calories and who knows how much sugar content and not to mention how starchy and how much refined flour. I’m tending to doubt how much he really knows about the Daniel Boone National Forest if he eats like this.

Despite some of exterior and interior flaws, Jerrell has somehow managed to update his comprehensive guide of the Red River Gorge into a fourth edition. He decided to share with me some of the new trails he has discovered on his recent expeditions. The rest of this article is what Jerrell sent me over e-mail.

TO: austenthemoneycat@email.com

FROM:jerrellgood-p@thedanielboonenationforest.com

SUBJECT: Updates to my book that you wanted

So, here are some of the new trails that I’ve discovered recently inside of the deepest corners of the Gorge.

First, is what I call the Bullock’s Finger-nator. Which is basically a dry riverbed that turn into miles and miles of shattered wine glasses. The butterflies go there to mate. It’s beautiful.

The second trail I found is near Sky Bridge actually. It’s called Blindsiderd. If you trek several miles along this treacherous terrain, you will eventually be accompanied by an inner-city black youth who will play football for your high school’s team only if you let him eat everything in your pantry cause he’s a big boy.

The third one is my personal favorite is called The Heat. It’s just a trail that get’s really hot.

The forth trail I uncovered in my travels requires traveling through caves and around sharp drop offs. Once you reach the end of the creek,Tyler, a young white lawyer defends a black man accused of murdering two men who brutally sexually assaulted his 10 year old daughter. In the process Tyler loses everything but doesn’t give up and is determined to prove the accused not guilty.

You will get to meet Tyler. Tyler is somber and quiet. He shakes your hand and says nothing. He steadily walks over to a nearby felled tree and sits on the log, running his hands along a stack of paper that sits near the base of the tree.

“Mother earth, what have you done to deserve this?” Tyler whispers. You cock an eyebrow, unsure of the meaning of this aphorism.

“Don’t you get it Jerrell? This paper is what this tree will become someday.” Tyler says. “But, I need the paper. I need the paper to win my case. We can’t get along without paper. Not until smart phones. Not until smart phones.”

– The Superb

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